As if there weren’t enough reasons to hate winter, one often overlooked one is the overabundance of static electricity. 

You know how it goes. It’s a cold winter day in Central New York, you get out of the car, you go to close the door, and ZZZZTTT– you immediately get electrocuted by 10,000 volts. Why does this happen more often during winter?! 

There are many scientific reasons, but science wasn’t my best subject, so I will leave the Googling to you. It probably has something to do with “electrons,” which was one of those words they used a lot. Apparently you pick up more "electrons" wearing wool socks. Shuffle across a carpet in wool socks for 30 seconds and it immediately turns you into an X-Man.

Here are 4 methods you can use to combat static electricity during winter in Central New York:

BUY A HUMIDIFIER

A humidifier is an extra appliance you have to buy and continually fill with water. Depending on the model, you might also have to buy filters for it. I’ve tried it, I find the sound soothing, but didn’t notice much difference.

DRYER SHEETS

Dryer sheets are pretty good at reducing static, but they leave an oily feeling on your flesh, and they taste TERRIBLE. Still, you can dump a box’s worth of them in your laundry for some amazing results. Luckily, a box of dryer sheets is only $17.95 in 2022. 

STAY MOISTURIZED

You heard me: Slather yourself in oil. If you can't get a grip on anything, you can't be shocked by it. The logic is sound.

MOVE FROM EARTH

According to one FAQ found on a Nissan dealership website about why your car shocks you:

“When you climb out of the car, you connect its bodywork to the ground, and the static electricity runs through you to “earth”.

So the simplest solution is: move from Earth. Hop on board one of those billionaire Bezos crafts and get the hell outta Dodge. Hopefully they don’t have static on Mars.