Waisting My Life Away — I Know It’s Working by How Terrible I Feel

It’s working! It’s working! I know this because I feel like garbage. I couldn’t sleep a couple nights this week, my body aches, my head hurts, and a few mornings I struggled just to get out of bed.

I say this because I fell off the wagon a little this week. Work got in the way, weather prevented outside exercise and I didn’t have time to get groceries.

So I thought to myself on Tuesday, “I can probably go ahead and get a greasy, gross, disgustingly delicious sub with deep fried chicken and hot sauce on it.”

I did just that. I jaunted around the corner, had a nice conversation with Brian of Boudreaux ‘N Thibodeaux about “Seinfeld,” and how Jerry used to scratch off the 33 on his pant size to a 32. He suggested that’s how I should fool people into thinking I’m just shedding the pounds.

Meanwhile, I enjoyed a buffalo shrimp poboy with his toxic waste sauce.

For dinner that night I had a pepperoni roll.

And then I sat on the throne of humanity until midnight in utter agony. I drank nearly an entire bottle of Pepto Bismol.

In the midst of my episode, I realized something: My diet had been, essentially, cleansing me and getting out at least some of the toxins. When I put them all back in over the course of six hours, my body revolted.

The good news out of this is I didn’t gain any weight back and I’m still down a pound from when I started this whole diet thing.

I hopped back on the wagon immediately after I recovered. Until next week, try not to destroy your body. I have discovered it is not worth it — but damn it tasted good going down.

Height: 6 feet, 0 inches

Weight: 195 (-1 pound since start)

BMI: 25.7 (-0.2)

Waist: 38 inches (-1.5)

Gut: 42 inches (-0.5)

Exercise habits: Getting back at it

Disposition: Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea, Hey Pepto Bismol!