A few weeks ago my girlfriend Samantha asked me if I had seen the guy in the window across the street who works out with his shirt off. Surprisingly enough, I had not. We live off of Lark Street in Albany and they don't call me Lark Narc for nothing. I'm the guy who notices this type of stuff, aka I'm the nosey voyeur of the house. I have high powered binoculars, walkie-talkies and a police scanner always readily available to pass along any useful information that pops up in my lively neighborhood. I'll be honest with you, I was kind of annoyed that I can't lay claim to the man who during this pandemic, is "covigorously" working out in his window for all of us to see. To make matters worse, the best view of shirtless workout guy is in our kitchen, the place that during the lockdown, Samantha has turned into her office. She has a semi-regular look at Arnold Pausenegger, Brad Fitt, Dwayne "The Lock Down" Johnson, or as I like to call him, "Larky" Mark Wahlberg.
I'm not hating on the guy, it's actually quite the opposite. I give him credit. As someone who has taken pride in staying relatively fit for most of my adult life, I've definitely slacked off for the past few months. The only gains I've had are in my forearms from the struggles that come with scooping out large chunks of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. I've even managed to make that less taxing by microwaving the pint for about 8-10 seconds to decrease the frozen resistance.
My only real issue with the dude is that he works out shirtless and in front of his large window. He's almost daring my tubby ass to watch him, and so I do. When Samantha shouts to me from the kitchen that he's working out, I have to get up and actually trek to the kitchen to see him. To make matters worse, when I've watched him with her, I'll first grab a snack from the fridge and end up peeping on him while eating cold pizza, fried chicken or leftover Chinese food standing up.
The other day Sam yelled at me to come check him out, that he was working out with a vest on. Squats, bicep curls, push-ups and burpees all with an added 10-20 lbs to his upper body.
I guess in that regard he and I are somewhat similar. I also recently added 10-20 extra pounds to my upper body. Well, it's more like my middle body. Ok, it's my waist.
But who's watching?